Luck Fupus

A lupus blog…

“Every new beginning…”

Happy August! The start of August feels like it’s the beginning of the end of the summer. The rate at which this year is flying by is simply alarming. In the blink of an eye, I’ll be wearing my Ugg’s and sweaters.

My mind is going a mile a minute. Or maybe I just watched one too many reruns of Grey’s Anatomy today, and I’m just being especially introspective. That show’ll do that to you.

It may not be reflective in my last few posts, but I’m in a funk that I can’t seem to snap out of. Usually I’m the one getting everyone else out of their funks and crisis’, and it’s unnerving that I can’t seem to take the advice I give.  I just imagined that today, the first day of August, things would be different.

I figured by now I’d be back to work doing what I love, back to being myself. Feeling better. Back to being the life of the party, making everyone around me laugh. Back to my crazy antics. Back to being happy.

But I’m nowhere near that. I’m unsure if I can even go back to my job, I’m not feeling better, and the skin rashes, hair loss and joint pain are returning with a vengeance. With each passing day I’m wondering if I will ever get back to being myself. Is this as good as it’s gonna get?

Tomorrow I want to wake up a more positive outlook. I’m looking forward to some time to myself in the city before my rheumatologist appointment, to walk around my old neighborhood to clear my head, and then treating myself to my favorite place for lunch. As much as I love to be surrounded by friends, I find comfort in days when it’s just me and my thoughts. Here’s to clearing the slate.

“…comes from some other beginnings end.”

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