Monday, November 25, 2013

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same...

Hi my loves.

Sometime tomorrow (I still haven't gotten my NPO/arrival time) is my lady bits burning (HTA- uterine ablation) and placement of Essure, an implanted device to prevent pregnancy. The doctor and I chose Essure because she could do it the same time as the ablation, and because it is much less invasive than a traditional tubal ligation. I signed the consents exactly 2 months ago to the day, and though it all still sometimes overwhelms and depresses me, I've used all this time to mentally prepare and come to terms with everything.

At 3:45 Friday afternoon, a few hours after getting my pre-anesthesia labwork done, I got a call from the surgeon asking if I had a few minutes to talk about Tuesday's procedure.

I swear, I thought she was going to tell me I'm pregnant. But no, I'm not with child, and what she told me shocked me more.

On October 25, 2013, the FDA made some changes to the literature on Essure, and as recently as November 20th, stories of women having severe complications have been in the news. She explained that she personally has not had any patients who have had complications with Essure, but wasn't comfortable doing it the same time as the HTA due to my laundry list of health issues.

And.... breathe.

I had two options. One, just do the HTA on Tuesday, recover, and reevaluate doing the Essure after the new year. I would receive conscious sedation and be able to go home and hour or so after the procedure, with a recovery time of 3-7 days at most. Or, I could get the HTA and a traditional tubal ligation ("tubes tied") via laparoscopic surgery, which would require general anesthesia, incisions (small ones, but cutting just the same), antibiotics, pain, and a recovery time of give or take 2 weeks from both procedures.

Again, this was all sprung on me at 3:45 on Friday afternoon, while in the car with Brie and a sleeping PJ. The doctor asked me how I was feeling after my Lupron injection, and how I was handling the hot flashes.

Me: "Oh, they're not too bad, nothing like I was anticipating."

Two minutes later I was literally pouring sweat from everywhere. She was talking, I remember asking appropriate questions, but the more she spoke, nothing was registering...

She realized she lost me, told me to take the weekend to think it over, talk with Steve, but by Monday morning I needed to make a decision. If I chose the laparoscopic surgery, I have to go over to the hospital to sign new consents, and she has to book a different operating room and notify anesthesia.

Brain. Broken.

I know you're thinking that essentially, the Essure and tubal ligation are the same thing. And yes, they are, a permanent way to prevent me from becoming pregnant. Steve and I made the decision that it's not worth all the risks to my health to become pregnant. There's just too much at stake, with my heart, lupus, etc., and with my track record... But in my mind, a surgical tubal ligation seems so much more permanent. So final. The proverbial nail in the coffin. Or clamp on my fallopian tubes, as the case may be.

It's like when I send Steve to Shop Rite for Bryers cookie-n-cream ice cream, but he comes home with Turkey Hill because they were out of the Bryers. I'll get the same result (dancing taste buds), but I had my mind set on the Bryers. I wanted the Bryers. I was ready for it. I'll still eat a half-gallon bowl of the Turkey Hill, but it wasn't quite what I expected.

OK, bad analogy.

I'm going to use an example Brie always says. I can drive down the shore in a chauffeur driven limo, taking the Atlantic City Expressway, or I can take the Black Horse Pike driving a Ford Pinto. Either way, I'll get down the shore. But, taking the limo is a smooth, quick ride, while the drive in the Pinto will be longer, full of bumps, and not as comfortable.

I was ready for the limo ride, but it looks like I'm taking the Pinto.


  1. Aww, I'm so sorry! I know you were mentally prepared for the Essure. But at least you were informed about the risks before you had it implanted. What kind of side effects is it causing? I like the pinto analogy, and it's true that you're getting to the same place, just taking the bumpier road. Maybe stopping to pick up a hitch hiker or two on the way. And who knows, maybe one of those hitchhikers will have Bryer's! Ok I don't really know what that's supposed to mean. But I know you will make the best decision for you! Xoxo

  2. BALLS. I totally get being mentally prepared to do something one way and it throwing you into a total freaking tizzy when it's another. I'm sorry.

  3. well shoot. man that is a lot to process. i think it's crazy how many risks are associated with things, im sorry that you have to make those kind of decisions.

  4. Yikes. Getting your mind set on doing things one way and then having them suddenly change is the worst.

    Good luck tomorrow, with whatever you choose.

  5. I'm sorry hun :/ either way, good luck tomorrow, and i'll being sending positive thoughts your way for a speedy recovery

  6. I know it isn't what you wanted or expected but maybe its for the best. Your very lucky that your doctor weighed in and told you she wasn't comfortable with the previous procedure. I believe my mother had traditional tubal ligation and I remember helping to take care of her when she left the hospital.

    I think your ice cream analogy was spot on btw! :)

    Wishing you the best of luck, doll!

    Kristen @ Your Beauty Fix

  7. It's always somethin'. It sucks to be all prepared for one thing and then BOOM.

    I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I'm sure Steve will take excellent care of you! xoxo

  8. Oh hon that's sucky! Just close your eyes and jump in the PInto. The tubal ligation was not bad at all (for me) and while the other procedure is what you expected, less complications is always good! I am SOOO sending you a big Texas hug and will be saying a little prayer for you tomorrow. Xoxoxo

  9. Oh that's really shitty and I'm so sorry :( I'm glad that you were informed of the risks though, these decisions are tough and I know you'll do what's best for you. You know where to find me if you need a shoulder!
    I liked your ice cream analogy ;)
    Thinking and praying for you always Xx


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She's a small wonder

She's a small wonder
Thirty-something foul-mouthed girly-girl. Wife. Kitty mama. Daughter. Sister. Aunt. Friend. Pediatric Cardiac ICU nurse. Wannabe super hero. Lives life to the fullest with systemic lupus erythematosous, an assortment of autoimmune diseases, and congenital heart disease.

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