‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again…
Fasten your seatbelt folks, it’s 2 days in a row of posts from me! What gives, right?
Apparently, I really like to have surgery at the end of the year. Yesterday was the 28th anniversary of my last open-heart surgery, November 26th was the 2 year anniversary since my tubal ligation, and today is one year from when I had my double mastectomy and breast reconstruction. Maybe in 2016 I’ll switch it up a bit; surgery in June does sound quite nice.
Since the highways to my baby maker were shut down in 2013, this time of year is tough. Yeah, yeah, I know, I get teary that Mother’s Day is tough, Chanukah is tough, I’m sure I’ll find a way to bitch that Arbor Day is tough since I can’t have kids. And as I always say, you’ll never see the headline “cute, infertile pediatric nurse plunges to her death from the roof of Babies R Us,” but, it hurts. And I know that will never go away.
After the tubal, I felt like less of a woman. Even after surviving all the medical hardships that have come my way, not being able to make a baby made me feel defective, like a natural selection reject. Sorry sweetheart, you have enough problems, bringing someone into the world with 23 of your chromosomes is the last thing mankind needs.
Little did I know that while I was mourning my wasted uterus, a lump was growing inside my left breast.
Gee Marla, how else can we make you feel really shitty after already tying off the roads to your ovaries?!?!?! I got it! Let’s cut off your tits!!!!!!
I know that giving birth and having nipples does not define myself, or anyone else for that matter, as a woman, but losing both those parts of me in a short amount of time has been extraordinarily difficult to wrap my head around.
And with that, a year out from my mastectomy, through the pain, tears, infections, physical therapy, cursing, etc… knowing I’ll never have to go through the fear of waiting 4 days for biopsy results ever again or hear the words, “Marla, you have breast cancer,” I’d do it over.
Every Tuesday, one of my favorite bloggers turned real life friend, Stephanie of Life According To Steph finishes her blog with a haiku, which she calls Haikuesday. So in honor of one-year post-mastectomy, I’m stealing Steph’s idea and writing a Haiku of my own.
Haikuesday Ode to my Breasts
Hooters, fun bags, boobs.
Mine are made of silicon.
No cancer for me.
Thanks for the “support” over this past year.
Love you all ( )( )